Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Blog as a diary

After reading Dooce's monthly entry about her daughter, I was thinking it would have been nice if blogging had been around when Nadine was little. Insane Mom also made the same comment.

Anyway, I thought I'd jot down my feelings about our incident with Nadine a couple months ago. I want to remember this in the future so that, hopefully, I can point it out to her to show her really, we care and maybe by then she'll have gained some "hindsight" and realize how this boy played her.

When I first met him, I instantly had that intuition that he was a jerk. He moved down here to play on a semi-pro hockey team, so that meant attending her high school for his senior year. My first clue something was amiss was when she called me late and asked if she could stay out later that night because his brother just committed suicide and he was upset. I asked "Doesn't he want to get home?" Well he can't go until tomorrow. Oh, well, ok just a while longer. The next day I'm trying to find out about this, and the story goes from his brother, to a friend that is like a brother, to a friend that TRIED to commit suicide. I hate when people lie!

The next time I see him, he comes over to our house, walks in the door and flops on the couch, throws his leg up over the back and just makes himself at home. This was only the second time I was around him. I'm not a prude and I've been very open and welcoming to all the kids Nadine has known through the years, but this just pissed me off! I let her know I didn't like him and didn't think he was right for her. We had always been able to talk about these things and I was always able to "push" her to a different direction. It was from that point on that she kept their relationship on the down low. She'd tell us she was going out with someone else and Matt always believed it was fake, but me, no Nadine wouldn't fake with us! Ha!

She'd open up to me every once in awhile, how he was a jerk and she's done with him. He'd lay low for a couple days and as soon as she started to pull away, he jumps back in telling her how much he needed her and loves her. Then a couple days later, he'd be flirting with someone else.

By spring break she tells me they're done for good. He went back home and she started to act like her old self again. Then, like expected, she had pulled a little too far away from him so he came back into town to visit. That's when the big blow up occurred. He wrote a letter to me (that she wouldn't let me read, but my in-laws did) claiming she was the love of his life and I just needed to understand. She cried to everyone (me, Matt, Matt's parents, Matt's brother) that they were in love and they were going to be together no matter what. We tried to talk reality into her, but it ended up in a huge fight and that is when I told her to go.

It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I actually left the house first. When I got back, she was gone. I knew she was at her friends house (with him), but I held back from storming over. When it got to be about 7PM, she called and wanted to know if she should come home. We told her no. It was really meant to wake her up and realize how much we do for her and that we aren't going to be treated like fools. She came home to get some things for school and we didn't say a word. She left and went to her Grandparent's house. She tried to call, but we just weren't going to let her think this was going to blow over. It turns my stomach just writing this, thinking about how hard that night was. Just last week I deleted the voicemail she left crying and begging to come home. She only stayed gone for the night, but it was terrible on all of us.

Matt & I decided that we needed to step back and not say anything more about their relationship. Hoping it would run it's course as most teen relationships do.

As predictable as teens are, she fell into the same pattern with him. This time I just had to sit back and keep my fingers crossed. She told me yesterday that he has a new girlfriend. It was at that time that I thought, I need to write this down.

My advice to her has always been that if a boy wants to be with you, he'll make every attempt to hang out with you. When that boy wants to make you jealous and run around with other girls, too, well then I call him a player!


linda said...

I could have written this post myself...based on past history with our daughter. She is 19 and says her biggest regret is not listening to us more when she was younger. Somethings they just have to experience things for themselves.

Nadine will look back on what you've written and ask herself why it took her so long to wisen up!

stalkermom said...

Thanks Linda! I know we'll get there, it is just so frustrating!

Rhonda said...

I'm with Linda on that one... my oldest tells me all the time she wishes she had listened more. Now, with my 22, 188, and 15 year olds, they all are going through some of the same stuff. That "stuff" being they know more than mom and dad.

You were right to let her know it was not going to blow over, like I mentioned before, good thing she had grandparents.

Oh, and BTW...I would have casually walked passed that kid with his feet on your sofa and in one big swoosh of my arm, KNOCKED THEM OFF! Given the kid a sly smile a wink and a nod that said... "My house, my rules Dude!"

stalkermom said...

Rhonda-Ah yes, I should have done something like that, not only show him, but probably scare the crap out of Nadine, too!

Rhonda said...

188? OOPS! 1....8... 18 is what I meant, I hope that much was obvious.